


Before the World Catches Up

by cecilkirk



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Ryden, literally just fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-20
Packaged: 2018-05-27 22:03:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6302011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecilkirk/pseuds/cecilkirk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendon overhears something he wan't meant to (and he couldn't be more grateful he did).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Before the World Catches Up

Brendon felt Ryan get out of bed. He acted like he hadn't.

He waited a few minutes after Ryan had left the room and shut the door behind him to get up, press his ear to the same door. Brendon knew Ryan had a poor sleep pattern; 2 am awakenings were not rare. But it was rare that he left the bed without a kiss, or that he left so swiftly, closing the door behind him as quietly as he could. 

Ryan's actions suggested secrecy, and Brendon couldn't keep himself away.

With his palms and ear pressed to the door, Brendon waited. He held his breath to hear better. Lights flicker on outside the door, lapping at his toes near the threshold. He silences his thoughts for a moment, and then--

He hears Ryan's voice.

"Yeah, yeah, I know it's early, but I gotta tell you something, Spence."

"No, it's not bad, it's just...I don't know. Maybe it is."

"It's just..."

There is a long pause in which Ryan collects his thoughts and Brendon collects his fears.

"I don't know if...I don't know if I should stay with him anymore."

Blood rushes to Brendon's cheeks. The air leaves his lungs.

"No, no, it's not--he didn't do anything bad or anything, it's--Spence--Spence, no, listen to me for a seco-- _Spence._ "

Silence for a handful of seconds.

Brendon can hear Ryan's bare feet on the wood floor of the living room. He's pacing.

"Spence...I can't lose him."

Brendon freezes. He can't breathe.

"I don't want to--I'm afraid to get too close. When he realizes he doesn't like me anymore..."

Silence, silence. Seconds drip by.

"And what kind of injustice would that be? To lose someone I love, and he only liked me? I don't--"

Ryan's voice catches on something on the way past his lips. It becomes ragged and wounded in Brendon's ears.

"I don't want to lose him. I don't think I can live without him, not after all this time with him. But I don't know if...maybe it's better to leave now. I couldn't bear to get in any deeper and have him leave me."

Against the door, Brendon can feel his fingers begin to shake. He pulls them away.

"I think I'm already in too deep," Ryan chokes out.

He is quiet after that. Brendon can hear the pixellated and distorted voice of Spencer offering comfort.

Climbing back into bed, Brendon realizes he doesn't know what to do. Would it be better to pretend he never heard any of this? Or would it be better to--

The lights outside vanish, the door opens, and Ryan climbs back into bed.

"Did I wake you?" he asks in a whisper.

Brendon looks at his eyes for traces of tears. He pretends he can't see them. "Yeah."

"Sorry," he says, covering Brendon's hand with his. Between their chests, knuckles touch skin haphazardly.

"No, it's fine," Brendon stammers. He leans in to kiss Ryan's forehead, sweet and tentatively.

"Hey," Brendon says, swallowing the empathetic tightness in his throat. "I love you."

"I love you too," Ryan says reflexively, rubbing his thumb over Brendon's.

"I really love you," Brendon says, voice solid. "You really mean the world to me, and I really couldn't imagine living without you."

Ryan blinks. In the darkness, Brendon can't tell if a blush of realization is blooming across his cheeks.

With his free hand, Brendon reaches forward and pushes their foreheads together so he can kiss Ryan. Slowly, deeply, taking their time as a reminder to Ryan they won't run out of any soon. They have their whole lives ahead of them. Brendon wants to ensure they'll be together for that.

 


End file.
